A Place For Us

I have been silent over the winter period
Too scared to hollow my voice into the darkness
Too worried to break free from my mind
But, this time I decided I have to try
Even if, I am broken
Even if, I cry for a lifetime
Even if, my mind decides to die
I will still try to find a place for us

I was once scared to capsize into the night
I know how to embrace the fear
The unknown
But, this time I know where I want to go

Yet, I lose hope that I will ever be viewed as me
The past will always follow me
People see four letters on a page and everything changes
I didn’t choose this life but people believe they have the right to decide what is going on inside my mind
I am tired of false accusation and high expectations
I need to find a particle of patience to quash these demands from behind
Otherwise, I will never be able to live my life

I went away to find a place for us
I travelled to find some inner peace
Where my soul was undamaged and cleansed
Yet, people keep questioning and expecting me to confess my sins
It is beginning to wear thin
My life has already been battered and scattered through different people’s lives
I questioned was my story ever mine or did it die the first time I cried?

I decided to subtract the pile of concrete on my back
I am tired of carrying other peoples slack
I am not the reason for the problems in your life
I have walked these parallel lines
I have done my time, now it is my moment to shine
Even if, you are not by my side
As a lease, I tried

I have broken myself in two for you
I have to respect your views
But, my words glide through your mind
I am erased within a split second
I admit,  I am covered in imperfection
But, I cannot live under your remit of rules

For now, I will live under the moonlit skies
I will optimise my mind to find clarity amongst the sand
I will analyse my mistakes
I have realised that I have to vocalise the pain
Otherwise, the rain will continue to flood my life
I don’t want it to crystallise and dominate every particle inside
I have decided I have to rebuild myself from within
I have to forgive myself
I have to begin again.

© Rosie Burnham

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3 Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue): https://www.pressreader.com/uk/womens-health-uk/20171201/282948155497339