Levels Of Life

Maybe my words are just empty spaces
Leaving me without a trace
I don’t know how long I can take
Another remake of this place

The levels of life make me question why
You decided to come into my life
Even time, the earth feels stable
I have to hide under the table

Your volcanic presence scares my soul
Even the memories come back
I thought I had left them long ago
But, you don’t know what I have seen
Or, where my life has taken me

All I know is that I feel so alone
In the lava field on my own
The earth is unkind, and I don’t know why
It is trying to bury me from the inside

My mind cannot take another cycle of change
But I know I have lost my faith
I don’t pretend to know the way
Why I should stay?
My voice is irrelevant anyway.

People offer to listen
Only when my words suit them
When I have carefully constructed my sentence
Then they dissent my presence

But I am a prisoner in my mind and on the outside
Maybe it is time to find a new life
Without you by my side
I have tried to live between your lines
I have been forced to respect your ways
At the end of the day, they continue to change

For me, these boundaries are fixed.
Yet others can cross the line and face no consequence over time
I can not live my life between these lines
I will not become a chameleon to suit your social situation
I might as well fade into the night

Amongst the madness, you forget I have been here for ten years now
I have never frowned upon your decision
Your hurtful words
Your hateful ways
I have changed
But, to you, I am still a disease that will never be free
I am broken
Damaged
Unfixable

You refuse to see my reflection
You only see the selection of joyful moments
You feel you need to disinfect my presence, so you disconnect me from your life

I have decided to let go of you
As my words become lost in your atmosphere
As my memories have become your story and under your ownership
Under your control
To you I will never be whole
I will always be the broken sister, who has struggled since a teen
But, you have chosen never to see the real me.
I sorry you will never be proud of me.
© Rosie Burnham

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3 Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue): https://www.pressreader.com/uk/womens-health-uk/20171201/282948155497339