I have known since I was ill, that everything comes back to me
I used to hide behind the trees, wishing I could disappear from the spotlights searching for me
But, I knew I would never be free
Everything comes back to me
I knew ten years ago, my life would be changed
I hate the way it has affected you in this way
But, I am tired of people’s complaints and wishing it would be better if life would have stayed the same
But, I never asked you to stay?
Deep down I expected you to walk away?
It was always that way.
Yet, people forget the changes I have made
I have respected your decision
I have listened to your wishes
I know I can not be myself around you
I have to calm and collected with a flicker of fear in my body
I have to hide my emotions
I did not choose this life, so please don’t try to control my life or dictate to me what is right
You want me to be close, yet far
I could disappear off the radar
I could become a star, and you would still see me from afar
This tears at my heart
But, for know, you are a familiar stranger who is free from danger.
I am sorry, but I cannot be your savior
I am sorry I am your failure
One day, you will hopefully see me in a different light, and you will realise it has been a difficult fight to belong in this life.
© Rosie Burnham