Flicker

I am tired of these endless days
My smile hides my pain which I carry in vain
A single comment can cause my mind to go into disarray
It sounds insane and some may not be able to contemplate what is happening in my brain
I know I have nothing to gain from shouting into thin air
It will only cause despair and people will comment by saying: ‘you weren’t there’
I cannot handle their glare and other people’s stares
I should not compare myself with their immaculate and unblemished shadows because mine is broken and jaded

But, what does that matter
In the end, we all collide into a new divide
Yet, I know I am not prepared for their expectation and their million questions of ‘where I have been? And why are your eyes are not green?’
They look at me with disbelief and then it ends in grief
It seems selfish and that I become helpless
I am drowning in societies expectations and fake fountains of kindness

In fairness, many people stay to listen and walk away
By the end of the day, they have forgotten my face
I am the one who has lost my faith
In the blue skies that float on by
The highs and lows don’t subside they just thrive in these endless days

I will not betray my memories and live as though nothing has happened to me
But, I have learnt to let them go, even if society says ‘no’
I could through a stone and let it drop in the ocean causing an unneeded commotion
I don’t need any more poison of hate against me
I have faced enough storms in my past and I am happy to let their misspoken words continue to dribble out of their mouths
I have to stay patient in during these endless days

For now, I am content in these moments of joy which flicker through my soul
Who could ask for more?
But, I do miss the freedom and fearlessness I once had
I miss the feeling of happiness which would radiant through my skin
I don’t know how to begin again
I know that day will come
I know that words cannot be undone
I will not run away but continue to stay, amongst these endless days.

© Rosie Burnham

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3 Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue): https://www.pressreader.com/uk/womens-health-uk/20171201/282948155497339