I get tired of trying to communicate my thoughts and for some people my words are fake

But, they do not understand that I cannot take another war, as a result of all those unspoken bitter words because all they do is cause hurt

Deep down inside, you honestly believed all of the hype that I would disappear into the night, just to spite your life

I would not cause another lifetime of pain for my own gain

I feel dismayed and phased that you would think of me this way

I should of stay silent and accepted your apology

It was unwise of me to explain my feelings or communicate my worries

At the end of the day

I am the one that has to say sorry, to justify my reasons behind my words

I could burst with anger sometimes

If I could, I would burn the files that concern your mind

However, that would not fix things over time

I have tried to love you all the same but it causes me endless pain

I question the natural way of things

I question where to begin

I feel like another sin and a waste of space

I have come to realise that my thoughts and emotions are mine

But, saying something it breaks the party lines

I feel constrained and that what keeps me wide awake

I have tried to make peace with the past

But, it hits me so fast

I would need a lifetime to communicate every constricted word that has been spoken

Every lie that has been told

Every word that has been mistakenly placed

They still all hurt me in equal ways

I should be able to forgive and forget

To accept and move on that would be easier for everyone

But, I have had years of unspoken words and silence

Maybe a new beginning is what we need so that we can all heal because all I am doing is peeling your life apart

I cannot go back to the start

I cannot live with another remark

I cannot live with so much disregard

All it is doing is hurting my heart

Maybe we belong worlds apart

So we can begin to mend what is broken

So I can share my voice in mountains and the only arguments it causes it the reverberation for the valley

You deserve to be happy, so I will observe for the outside

Until my mind can connect with the outside

It will take time to realign my wrongs decisions and broken words

But, I hope one day I can return back to reality without people questioning my sanity

This is what matters to me, so people can see me through new eyes and the skies don’t paint false lies about my life

But, I must remind myself that I am only human

I will make mistakes

I will get scared sometimes

I just have to try and live my life

By leaving the past behind, for the last time

© Rosie Burnham

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: Huffingpost Blog: Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue):