Autumn

These lonely days make me want to fade
People talk but never say a word or a thought to me
I feel as though I am in court
I want to abort
Yet something makes me stay, amongst the mayhem and madness
Even though there is sadness still around
I try to find a sound to keep my head above the in the lingering mist
I wish people would talk but instead, they walk

They think it is all in my mind and that I need to give it time
But they forget I am dying inside
Every day I am trying to belong to everyone else song but I always get it wrong
However, open I try to be and show them the real me
They choose to not see

I am trying to hold on to the light even when I am losing this fight
Every night I pray for a better day and that I can stay
But at the end of the day, they just walk away
I then question my place
My belonging
My reason to be present if every time I will be rejected
I know that other people are deeply affected by what they have seen
It still scares me
But I believe that this storm will pass as I glance the other way, hoping for the rain to stay at bay

They say I have capacity but they question my sanity
It not all in my mind
I feel I have said it hundred times
They continue to do things behind my back
Without consulting me
How can I trust them if they do this to me?
I sometimes understand their reasons there but they can’t just change like the seasons

I have a voice but it is not being heard
It is been turned away from the yurt
I feel I am being constantly burnt
I question my worth
I am hurt that my mind cannot heal itself in its own time

I have a voice but it is not being heard
It is been turned away from the yurt
I feel I am being constantly burnt
I question my worth
I am hurt that my mind cannot heal itself in its own time
But, I know that is life

Yet, there needs to be some discussion instead of this abruption
They have come to the assumption that the world would be a better place if I just closed the case

But, I didn’t choose this life and I know I do not always get it right
But I still human on the inside
There is still ‘me’ hidden underneath the depths of trauma
Please don’t throw me out to sea and let me be
Please help me finding ‘me’ again

I don’t know if that will ever be possible to exist in this complex world
My thoughts are probably absurd
I hope I have been heard and the murmurs have not just become particular of air that disappears as quick as a hare that is scared

I cannot bare another autumn with the leaves falling heavy on my chest
So, I need to speak the rest that has been unsaid
Then I can begin to mend and live again

© Rosie Burnham

 

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About Rosie Burnham

I am young voice trying to find a voice between the silence through blogging, using poetry to express my thoughts and running towards recovery. One day, hoping to become a public speaker to share my experiences and raise awareness about the impact of bullying and abuse in schools; highlighting the lasting effects of PTSD on the individual and the family. Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3