Heartbeat

It gets harder to keep rising back up
When I am constantly falling
When I moving in spheres of pain that come what may
I am left feeling betrayed and even more afraid of the future
The uncertainty has always scared me

Since I was young but now years on it has become engraved in my muscle tissue Interlinked in my bloodstream
Weakening my already frail immune system
Poisoning my body as well as my mind
I try to fight but it is difficult when you are dying inside
I have to keep reviving my heartbeat so that I do not fall deep asleep

Still, then there is no peace in my traumatised mind stays alive
Driving the torment so that it thrives
But, I still choose to fight
Defying the critics and ignoring the cynics

I am determined to find peace even if I am weak
I will try to shine under this dim light
I don’t belong in the afterlife and I know that is right
Despite these lies, I know that I can have a beautiful life
If I just hold on and I try to belong

For so long, I have been trying to fix myself
But, just maybe I am complete even with my scars and broken heart
I can still be apart of this world even if people do not understand
I will not banish their inquisitive mind
I will look them in they eyes and tell them my truth
My story
My life
And maybe they will listen and learn that my mind is not absurd its just hurt
Trapped in a web of trauma that one day will be free to be me.

© Rosie Burnham

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3 Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue): https://www.pressreader.com/uk/womens-health-uk/20171201/282948155497339