At times I wonder where my life has gone. After eleven years of battling with lasting effects of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the harm, I have done to my body when my mind is continuously stuck in the past. I feel I am frozen in time. I feel as though society has shunned me to the outside and as I sit tight waiting to be accepted back into this world, these moments of isolation and despair have allowed my mind to process and calmly examining certain injustices that my family and I have experienced.
At present, my mind is settled and unblemished by the past events but despite these quite moments my mind refocusses on the challenges that I and many other survivors must overcome to find justice and come to a sense of acceptance, whatever that may look like?
I seem to now be more frustrated not at the perpetrators because they have dominated and traumatised my mind over these years that I will not allow them to harm my brain again. I am stronger than them. By minimalizing their power in my memories and thoughts, they cannot filter into the present.
However, I am struggling to understand how the school has been able to keep my attacks hidden and taken no responsibility for what has happened. I rationally know why because it would bring negative media attention and damage their reputation. They will never accept their failure to protect me in their care even though they have made numerous noticeable changes since my family first spoke with them about what has happened. The headmaster said, ‘You would not have come here if these things weren’t true’ and after that initial meeting we hit closed doors and they took legal advice.
Since then, there has been silence. Even with a Freedom of Information Act being put to the school, they do not have to answer any of the questions because they are a ‘charity’. I question how a private school earning millions of pounds can fall under the category of a charity. I honestly do not understand the legal system in the UK. In addition, my medical records from that time have been destroyed and because I was so unwell in the coming years, I was unable to tell the extent of the abuse until my early twenties, this has meant my parents cannot hold the school accountable because there is only a three-year window to bring a claim. But, as I was not well enough we have missed that opportunity and I know that is a heavy burden for my parents to carry on a daily.
It can feel so demonising as a survivor of childhood abuse which happens on the school campus that nobody wants to take reasonability for what happen and listens to lasting effects that it has happened to my family and me. I know that I am not alone in feeling this way, in some cases, it can take survivors years to see any justice or accountability. This deeply sadness me that these events happen today.
However, there are some amazing people that have allowed me to share my story and have listened to journey even though it is difficult to share and listen too. I have found some relief from openly talking and sharing my story. This was only made possible by a charity called Women Speak Out and early this year they realised my video. I receive support and kindness from many people, yet sadly not everyone’s response has been so kind and warm. I knew this would happen and it is part of life. Severely weeks after the video was realised a friend was discussing it with another person and said, ‘this sort of thing doesn’t happen within schools’ and my friend said, ‘it happened to Rosie and her family’.
Still, people believe that child abuse or any form of abuse doesn’t happen within the school system whether private or public but the truth is that it does. I am one of many people that are silenced by the school fearful of being sued if I mention the name of the school or that my case cannot be brought to court because to lack of collaborating evidence and the media unwilling to listen to survivors` stories and given them a voice. The silence will continue and so will the lack of transparency within the school system, resulting in school being protected and not accountable. More victims will remain silent. Luckily, I have found my voice but I aware many people never get the chance to share their stories. Here is my story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=037GDfiDALI
Please watch and share. Maybe one day our voices will be heard and hopefully listen to.