Zen

Zen used to be my friend, back then
Until the ocean swell came and washed away a sense of calmness that remained
I know things change but I know afraid of the waves
The ocean
The tsunami
Its strength and power scares my mind
Tumbling into a cycle constant pain and shame
The constant current battering my body against the beautiful, peaceful tropical reef
Only if people could see the hidden darkness and experience the sheer force of the ocean
They would understand

It is a lonely exists living in this cycle of torment
With no one to hold my hand
I only have my head and this has become my best friend
I have built a friend that cannot be eased about by the ocean
It is safe inside my mind
Untouched by the ocean
Undamaged
Unbroken
Unmarked

Some days I get lost inside my damaged my mind but then I look deep inside to find the innocent soul that inner child was taken away
One day I will find her
One day I will leave the ocean and find another way and not continue to live in dismay
I will break away and find a new way to live
A new way to be
A new ‘me’

One day you will see
I will be the best I can be
I will look you in the eye and not die inside
I will stand tall and speak to soul
Reminding you of what you did
I may have become thin but you have not broken my skin
It has been a while but I can still smile and file the memories away for another day

© Rosie Burnham

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3 Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue): https://www.pressreader.com/uk/womens-health-uk/20171201/282948155497339