For two years, I have kept silent about the appalling treatment I have received from my local AWP and Wiltshire CCG services. For the last 18 months I have been denied treatment for my PTSD which is treatable. Countless meetings with my parents and I have had about are concerns, problems and eventually they apologised. The battle continues I am tired of this broken system. I know that I am not alone with this frustration.
‘I feel like a zebra which has lost it stripes’.
Something has to change in the UK, about how we in generally treat and manage people with mental health problems. As always it comes back to money. The government needs to urgently look at the funding to mental health services nationwide. I am aware that the NHS in general is at breaking point. I think mental health gets side lined majority of the time , just because you cannot see the illness, or fully understand the condition. You get lost in a system full of bureaucracy and the sense of unworthiness continues leading to depression and stormy days.
There needs to be more transparency within the NHS especially mental health. In my experience it has felt more like a battle rather than a helping hand. If I did not have my parents support in meetings and over email conversation, I honestly don’t know where I would be.
Every two weeks, I have a meeting to basically update me about my funding application. I have been hear before. I have discussed every decision. I have been involved in my future care, it is all written down in black and white. Now, I have to hope people will read and respect my wishes but this hasn’t always happened. It seems nobody wants to take responsibly and make a decision.
Every time, I walk into the building for my meeting I feel anxious and on guard, not because of the meeting but the environment which is incredible triggering from my PTSD. I hate the doors being shut. There is emptiness within the walls and a clinical atmosphere in the air. There is no warmth in the building just ghosts from my past which rattle everywhere I go. All I can do is breathe and wait till the meeting is over. So that I can feel the fresh air on my face and heave sigh of relief.
I feel safer in the open, noisy and unpredictable world outside rather in a meeting room. This isn’t how it should be! Until, there is an honest, open shake up of the whole system from top to bottom within the NHS and the government start to provide more funding towards mental health. Sadly, I cannot see things changing anytime soon. This is coming from a patient.
I am adamant I will rise above the struggles and keep smiling. By being open about the challenges I face, I hope it will spread awareness and show others that they are not alone with these problems. My story is one of many and luckily I have my families support. I am aware not everyone does. I have found silence is more destructive than speaking out. We all have voices that have to be heard. This is mine.
© Rosie Burnham