Lighthouse

Dear Child

I know that you feel powerless
I know they took ever part of you
I just wish they knew?

Your foundations our crumbling
The quick sands our taking you by your hands
As through you are on remand
This is so said, it make me mad

How the world has caused so much destruction to you at such a young age
You felt like an animal kept in a cage, in a zoo
You withdrew from society
Too frighten to speak
Too frighten to be yourself because you are seen as a statistic
A problem, this made people see your conditions rather than the person behind your tired eyes
As you analyse the time goes clockwise, as you look for blue skies

You were immobilized be fear
You have witness the broken system that ‘does more harm than good’
I know if you could, you would have stood and spoken
But after many attempts of speaking, your worlds were misunderstood

You were just a kid, who felt like a piece of driftwood
Losing your sanity
The reality was more unbearable to witness
You lost your faith in humanity
Your foundations were becoming more unstable
You just wanted to hide under the table
You we’re fed up of being a label

For years, you keep your thoughts hidden in your mind
Your words would float away into the sky
Your self-worth, diminished
Your self – confidence, plummeted
But, you still smiled in front of authority
You were never in the majority

Singled out, to be punished
While others ignored your helpless pleads
They just push you away and continued to look the other way
You were shatter and then left battered
By, the emotional mind games that made your question life itself
At night, your body would be overcome with fear
Paralyzed at the same time

Nobody helped
Nobody listen
Everyone knew but everyone’s eyes turn away
This statement said to you ‘ Your alone, the silence is your safety, your words are you enemy”

The weight fell heavy on your shoulder
Trapped in cycle of self-doubt and self-destruction
But, nobody in life gives you instruction about how to deal with these challenging times that come and go

Finally, you escaped home but still the phone rang
The nightmares began
The sense of normality, faded
The rush to runaway from the past
Trying to erase it from your memories

But one year on, your soul was gone
Consumed by the trauma
Then you were trapped in another institution where they control your whereabouts
Set your programme
Told you what to do

You were taken away from any normality and your family
Close friends, slowly disappeared through the years
Family drifted in and out of consciousness
Your felt small through this all
Life will never be as before

Ten years on, your are strong and your find a reason to go on …..

With no end inside
The might of the world crushes you heart which causes an emotional warfare of love and hate
Whilst you wait in a state of fate
Somedays you wish you were eight
So that you wouldn’t feel this weight


 

Whilst I have been waiting
I have been creating a lighthouse of hope in my mind
I know that I have been left behind and I am alright about that deep inside
I am undefined
I remind myself to continue to fight my ghost
The lighthouse is my fortress
A place of peace and tranquility
A safety net, in this caged and cruel world

As I step into the lighthouse
Walking the winding steps to the top
Turning on the light that guides the ships to shore
Shining into every angle of the ocean to absorb the ghosts
Repealing them back to the school, where they came from, into those dark corridors
Those dark nights where ‘I was forced to fight and I was forced to grow’

My life has felt unknown
Without a purpose
Without, a meaning to belong in a society, what has gone terribly wrong?

I know the lighthouse will keep my safe for now, but I can’t stay here forever
I wish I could
But, that isnt’ living, it is just existing

One day, I will step out of the lighthouse onto the sandy beaches that surrounds me
I will sit and watch the sunrise and set
Listen to the waves that are washing the past away and destorying those that still remain
I know that life will change
Life doesn’t always stay the same
I pray that the water will cleanse my soul
and fill this gaping hole
So that I can go on, to a new heart song.

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About Rosie Burnham

Twitter: @Rosie_Burnham Blog: rosieburnham.com Huffingpost Blog: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/rosie-burnham Very Loose Women (ResonanceFM): http://bit.ly/2l02xw3 Women's Health Magazine (Strong Minds Issue): https://www.pressreader.com/uk/womens-health-uk/20171201/282948155497339