Somedays I struggle to find peace and stillness in my mind. The trauma is hidden deep inside, away from the outside. I feel trapped and isolated in a world of pain. My flashbacks are like a ‘psychedelic dream’ that is chasing me, haunting and holding me back from feel free to be. The darkness lurks all around inside the walls and upside down. Even when I spin around the darkness surrounds my body, I am trapped in a tornado unable to break free. I feel lost and incomplete. I fear every noise, every breath, every footstep. My body and mind is trapped in a cyclone of fear, I wish it would disappear.
Over the past two and half months, I have been trying to do yoga every single day to calm my mind and refocus my thoughts in the present. To feel ground and alive for the first time in years. I completed two lots of ’30 days of yoga with Adriene’. Everyday when I feel as through I am going to have a flashback, I mentally remind myself to breath, to focus on the here and now.
I roll out my mat and the troubles of the past evaporate into the air above. It is just me and my yoga mat. There is no judgement, no pain, no self-doubt. My heart is open, my mind is calm and I feel weightless, light, free the way it should have always been. When I use to come out of a flashback my back would be severally bruised and would be incredibly painful. By doing the yoga it has started to release the muscles in my back and slowly my whole body healing and realign itself.
I still have a long journey mentally and physically. By just incorporate yoga into my daily life, I am slowly finding myself, learning to let go and be free.