Some days I want to build a ‘fortress’ around myself to protect myself from the outside world. From the ghost of the past that are hoovering above me, shadowing my every breath, taken the happiness from my soul. The demons lurk in the background waiting to course pain and suffering to my weakened body. My mind is a warrior but my heart does not want to follow it anymore . Tired and broken after years of fighting. It is hard to see how life could be different.
So many empty words, empty promises have been scattered, ripped up and throw into air, just flowing until eventually they fall and the torment and uncertain continues. How long can a person tolerate this pain? I am only human, after all.
At the moment, I feel as through I am made of paper. A paper heart, a paper mind that is lost inside, the ‘origami’ of life. I keep my tears within, so that my paper body doesn’t disappear and wilt away. I am lost between the layers of paper, I can’t breath.
I wish somedays that I could break free for everything that surrounds me. By tearing through the layers of paper, being able to run through the ‘multi coloured’ emotions of my life and for the first time feel free from the inside.
This day will come soon… I am holding on to life with both hands and will never let it go. I have family and friends giving me strength, love and support even when I am to weak to lift my head up and constantly showing me the good in people once again, that I forget along this long journey.