This blog is going to be about ten very personal aspects of my life, at the moment. I am going to be totally open about my mind, my fears and my future.
1. I wish that I didn’t have post-traumatic stress disorder ~ (trauma, dissociation).
2. I wish I could feel free for the past.
3. I fear for my future somedays. This is because I cannot see an end to the tournament in my mind.
4. I don’t believe that I will ever see justice, in regard to the abuse happened at school, but I will never lose hope or stop fighting.
5. I feel ashamed that I cannot make myself ‘better’ again. I know that I cannot do this alone.
6. I cannot remember what it feels like to be well.
7. I cannot remember some of my childhood due to the painful trauma that has happened.
8. I am scared about life in general.I’m constantly making sure my environment is safe and secure, making sure that I can see ever corner in the room, that any triggering colours are hidden away .I am constantly in ‘fight or flight’ mode. Even minute of the day I trying to reassure my brain that I am okay.
9. I will beat this one day. I will live a happy life however long it takes
10. I am survivor. We all have a story. We all deserve to be listening too.