At the beginning of the year, there is a momentum that surrounds all of us. A time to leave the past behind, wipe the slate clean and declutter our lives. There are so many things people, in general, want to improve or correct about themselves. Within a couple of weeks we fall off the wagon and the cycle of disappointment begins again.
I have mixed feelings about a New Year, on one level I find it a very positive time when a sense of hope surrounds us and a lot of change takes place in all of our lives. On the other hand, it can be a very triggering and unsettling time when my mind subconsciously focuses on dates when certain attacks happened. This has happened every year, for the last ten years but this year is going to be different. If I think about things logically and remove all of my anxiety, fear and emotions from the situation. I am able to say to myself that ‘nothing has happened in the last eight years, no harm has come to me and I am safe’.
Deep down I know that this is one hundred percent true. Throughout these next couple of months, I have to keep telling myself that I am safe, loved and protected. I believe that it will distill in my brain and wash away the trauma. I remember my brother would always quote: ‘Fear will hold you prisoner but hope will set you free’. I can relate to these words and the meaning in them.
For my New Year resolutions I would like to work on these few goals;
Patience and Tolerance
I think that these work hand in hand together. I have thought long and hard about these two goals. I know that I must have patience with myself and others especially. I know that sometimes I can react rather than taking a minute to think and collect myself. This is very difficult when there are so many raw emotions running around, but for me, this is essential to help me in my life and recovery.
And, to generally be a more tolerant person in life. To be able to accept certain situations and improve on how I choose to engage and react. I also need to be mindful that everybody has my best interests at heart but we all have very different ways of showing and expressing our emotions.
I think at times we all overlook the simplicity of being happy. I realistically know that we can’t be happy all of the time but happiness doesn’t have to be just a particular moment that we can remember. I use to think that to achieve happiness I had to be happy all of the time. This created a ‘false persona’ that I was well but deep down I was not coping but my outlook has changed, happiness comes in all shapes and forms. Sometimes when we stop searching then we realise that it is straight in front of us. I am going to daily acknowledge a single moment that bring me joy and happiness.
This year I am going to stay healthy and be happy. These may be very simple but this is vital for my recovery.