At the moment there are so many emotions circulating around my body, moving like blood , reaching down to my extremities. I feel cold, frightened and scared. I feel as if I am running from the past and it is biting at my heels, waiting to trip me up and pull me back into the darkness but I am aware that the past is there , I know that it is behind me but I am holding on tight to the light.
My emotions are playing havoc with my mind. Some days I feel numb, disconnected or lost. Too frightened to cry, too sad to laugh, too alone in the past but I am aware of these shifts in my emotions. I embrace these days, acknowledge my emotions, my fears and my thoughts.
This time of year is difficult bringing new challenges, it is never the same. I don’t even need to see a calendar to watch the days go by, I just know that it is this time of year. Obviously the weather is changing, the leaves are falling and the mornings are getting colder. These are all signs that the seasons are changing and the winter months draw closer each day.
In my mind I know that this is normal, I know that it has been ten years since the attacks and I know that I am safe but through the light the darkness trickles in and threatens to shake my life once again.
This year is different….
I have grown stronger through the summer months retaining my energy to get me through the difficult times. I acknowledge my fears and allow my mind to feel these emotions and not suppress them. I have learnt what I can manage in a day by structuring in yoga and taking time to collect my thoughts.
I am not afraid to live, I am not afraid to breathe there has definitely been a change within me. I am determined not to lose this fight for the future and a chance to enjoy life to the full.
I know that there are difficult days ahead but I am stronger now, I am ready to live.